you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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