Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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