Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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