party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
