laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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