To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize