I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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