I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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