Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
