Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
no you cant smoke seaweed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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