this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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