I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
