Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
