haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
