I just saw a hot homeless man
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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