Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
