she smelled like a LAN party
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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