Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
