Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
