do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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