I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
