I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
