YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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