I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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