But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
