I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
