My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
