I could make wine with my vomit
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
