Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
