how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
