Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
They are going to name an STD after you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
