i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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