I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
