I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
