i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize