lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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