Yo dont text me then not text me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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