My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
