she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
