I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
