so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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