My room smells like vodka and shame
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
