You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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