he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize