so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
