I seem to have left my pride at pride
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
