that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
