you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
