I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
