i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
