Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize