Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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