I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
