I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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