Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
