allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
