i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
