I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
