Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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