I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
