so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize