I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
